Springing into Change

Back home and beginning to make some changes.  I have decided to do a cleanse kit for the first time.  I have done juice fasts and a week of all raw fruits/veggies, but this is the first time doing a proper cleanse.  No sugar, caffeine, alcohol, dairy, processed foods plus a cleanse kit of supplements for 14 days.  This is something very exciting for me as weird as that might sound, I enjoy the challenge and look forward to feeling fresh for the spring!  Now that I'm home it's time to figure out my next steps with yoga teaching too.  Need to organize my thoughts, start planning out some classes and start teaching!  Have some goals to set for myself and my own yoga practice too.  I want to continue working on my inversions.  At training it was emphasized that as a teacher we should be able to do inversions at least at the wall...handstand, forearm balance and headstands.  I struggled with handstand for the first week, for some reason I felt afraid of kicking the wall even though that was what it was there for.  Then it just clicked one day.  Forearm balance is easy to get up to with the wall, but I want to start working on not needing the wall there.  Before leaving for training I was already working on my headstands, so no worries on that!  My goal for this year is to get my arm balances.  Before training I usually just bailed out and assumed I wasn't strong enough.  Training built up my strength and confidence, now I need to keep going and by the end of the year I will be strong on my hands.  This is a big year of changes for me.  Good changes, strong changes and of course healthy changes!  I will keep things posted on all these beautiful changes going on.  I always find that making changes at certain moments can make all the difference, so welcoming in the spring and new opportunities!

Airport Reflection

Sitting at San Juan International Airport reflecting on this journey in Costa Rica.  I have learned so many things over this month long adventure!  A wealth of yoga and teaching knowledge with some personal growth thrown in there too.  I now know how to pack for such a trip too, not that I did am awful job but I could have packed less of course!  My yoga practice got challenged.  Going to yoga teacher training I expected to study the history of yoga and how to properly teach classes, but I didn't think my personal practice would become so much deeper.  This experience has tied everything together for me.  It has truly joined both my physical asana practice with the spiritual practice as well.  I'm already plotting and planning my next big adventure to do my advanced training.  This trip was also the first time I have left the country by myself and stayed out of the country for such a length of time.  It was a thrilling experience that has opened the door for more travel hopefully.  For now I will head home and work my you know what off so I can save for another journey.  Advanced training in Thailand & Spain...hmmm which one first?! 

Month of Lessons in Non-Attachment

A month away from home in a foreign country is sure to be filled with lessons in non-attachment.  Packing enough but hopefully not too much as I would be carrying a travel backpack.  I originally planned on carrying on my pack, but the airport said otherwise.  Ah the stress of trying to cram it all into that pack meant no make up, just a basic face/body soap bar and a simple face lotion.  Mainly yoga clothes seeing as three weeks of my time would be at yoga teacher training.  It always feels liberating to me not to be weighed down by lots of unnecessary things.  However, standing at the airport I learned my first lesson of non-attachment as I had to release the pack into the hands of check in.  It was a disappointing feeling and then there's the thought of what if it doesn't arrive in Costa Rica?!  Then I let go and accepted that this was great, now I didn't have to lug this heavy thing around!  Arriving at the Goddess Garden I had some more lessons in non-attachment.  At home I have a soft, comfy bed and an ergonomic memory foam pillow...ah good 'ol Goddess Garden's twin bunk beds were "firm" and the pillow was maybe and inch thick.  But I adapted to this by folding my little pillow in half to make it a bit more comfortable.  I actually ended up getting some of my best sleep there in the rainforest.  There are so many things we become attached too in life.  The way we look or watching tv, wearing make up and doing out hair, the sound of people's voices.  While away for my three weeks of yoga training I didn't call home.  I wanted to live in the moment and enjoy the time away learning.  Now here at Samara beach my husband and I learn another lesson in attachment...the ocean took both of our sunglasses!  I had just said earlier today how it was no biggie that I squished them a little yesterday when playing on the beach.  There was a little crack in the lens, but eh I only needed them for a couple more days.  Then as I body surfed a wave this afternoon, the wave rode off with my super cool white shades!  All I could do was laugh, hey I had the choice of grabbing the sunglasses or my bikini top, figured the bikini top was higher on the priority list.  But nothing is forever, even my $4 shades left me before my time in Costa Rica was up.  Even funnier was that a couple waves later and my husband was also dealing with non-attachment to his shades too!  It has been a fun month here and I have learned a lot about what I really need.  There are always wants and wishes, but I made it through without a lot of those comforts of home.  Never take things for granted and never think you will always have something, cause in the end we leave this world without our "things". 

Farewell sunglasses...

Yogic Diet

Yogis are very interesting, their spiritual path not only includes meditation and scripture but also eating in a certain way and purification rituals.  It's all about leading a clean life.  Traditionally they would of course be vegetarian, after all Ahimsa (non-violence) is strictly followed.  As a high school student I went veggie, but although I loved animals it was more of a health/diet thing at that time.  Then in my early adulthood I dabbled with being vegan, again more of a food control thing.  In my mid 20's I came to terms with the fact that I had major issues with my need to control food and it was beginning to become an unhealthy obsession.  So I fell off the wagon and started eating meat again, along with all sorts of junk! I became chubbier and less healthy, less happy with myself.  When I decided to enroll in yoga teacher training I also decided it was time to get back to a healthier me.  Over the next few months of getting ready for training I made the decision to go back to being vegetarian, however I would have the occasional seafood dish not really thinking too much about it.  I felt like I was getting back to my roots.  I have always felt very passionate about healthy eating and lifestyle.  Eating light, nourishing foods always leave me feeling good...after heavier meals like the Mexican feast I had last night with a couple beers, I feel bogged down today.  During training we talked extensively about yogic diet, being vegetarian and about how yogis believe food has different energies.  Sattvic foods are considered the purist form of energy....fresh fruits & veggies, nuts, seeds, legumes, and whole grains.  Rajasic foods are foods of change, passion, and restlessness...anything hot, spicy, stimulating.  Tamasic food makes you sluggish, think processed food, meat, fish, and alcohol.  It is interesting to take notice of what you eat and how it makes you feel.  Yogis would try to eat a Sattvic based diet.  I most definitely notice how I feel and seem to be quite sensitive to the foods that I eat.  With all the talk about food, I realized that allowing myself to have seafood has been a crutch for me.  It makes going out to restaurants easier.  But it also means that I am not really a vegetarian if I want to still eat seafood.  So I have made the hard decision to adhere to being a vegetarian fully because that is truly what is important to me.  This has been very challenging so far in Samara.  This area is full of fish and meat based dishes.  But I have figured it out...life isn't always about being easy!  Challenge yourself to look into what you are eating and nourish yourself the best way possible =)

Two Hour Practice

During yoga teacher training I had the pleasure of doing a two hour practice every morning, after a 30 minutes meditation.  Now that training is over and I'm on vacation, I feel kind of lost without that practice!  It was very challenging to do such a long practice, but I honestly loved it!  Growing up going to dance classes, usually class was two or more hours long.  That intensity has carried over into my love of yoga.  Some days at home I like to enjoy a morning yoga class and then head back to the studio for an evening class too.  Flowing vinyasa just speaks to me...makes me so joyful!  I definitely can't wait to share that with people when I get back and can start teaching.  For now here in sunny Samara, it's time to get the swimsuit on and head to the beach.  I believe a beach yoga session is in the works for me today!  Namaste <3  

Rain & More Rain

My time on the east coast in Cahuita was less sunny beach time than I thought.  We were quite busy with our yoga practice and studying, not leaving a lot of time for fun in the sun.  Then on our two days a week when we had the afternoon off it often times rained on our parade!  So the amazing tan I expected to get didn't happen.  I hadn't given much thought to what a retreat center in the rainforest would be like.  When I read there was a beach I just assumed I would be out getting a lot of sun.  Not so much when you are surrounded my heavy vegetation and have a ton of "school" work to do.  But that is ok cause now it's vacation time on the west coast at beautiful Samara Beach.

The rain was pretty in the jungle area during yoga training.  One night we got hit with some pretty intense thunder & lightening.  It woke me up and I will admit I really missed my husband!  I'm a bit of a baby during storms and usually he keeps me safe.  The next morning I joked with one of my room mates that I almost climbed in her bed haha!  The other thing about having rainy days was that it allowed me to have some relaxing time.  I took a nice nap during afternoon off with rain.  There is also something so invigorating about rain drops falling on your face, especially when they are warm rain drops and not bitter cold ones in New England.  Rain or shine I was a happy girl on my yoga retreat =)

Dancing Yoga Fun!

Last night was a yogi dance party!  Our wonderful anatomy teacher was finishing up our training with a fun yoga, movement and love fest!  We got to just move how ever we wanted to, then we danced around the room.  I love having the chance to do these things...just letting go of any and all judgement as we find joy.  Everyone had a smile from ear to ear.  We have all been working so hard on our yoga classes we had to teach to each other and be critiqued on.  We finished our teaching yesterday afternoon, so we could finally let go of all that stress.  Ending it with sweaty hugs to remind us all that we're a family now and to always love & support each other.  And of course a party ain't a party without dessert!  We feasted on yummy warm brownies after all that dancing.  Jumping in the pool after to cool ourselves off after.  It started raining on us while we were swimming.  I love the feeling of raindrops when swimming...and walking back to the rooms just holding my towel cause it doesn't matter when you're already wet.  Feeling alive as every drop of water splashes onto me!!!  I have loved this experience here...even the hard moments cause those are the moments that make you a stronger person.

Mama Sloth & Baby!

My heart melted a little today as I stood only a few feet away from a mama sloth and her baby. What a creature!  Poor mama fell out of a tree here at Goddess Garden, scaring a classmate.  She actually thought it was a dead monkey at first, but then realized it was an adorable sloth mama.  I have never been so close to a wild sloth...it was amazing!  It very slowly started to climb back up into the tree, giving us a grand show.  The baby was so tiny but yet so strong, just clinging to its mama.  It was one of the most moving moments for me when it comes to my experience with wildlife.  The way it cocked its head at us, probably trying to figure out what on earth just happened to it.  Falling out of a tree and then landing right on the edge of our path way.  I will share photos when I snag some from my classmates, don't you know my camera battery wasn't charged at this most magical moment!  As mama carefully climbed up, at one point her back was to us and I caught a glimpse of the baby's little arm tightening its grip on mama's back.  It was such a precious thing to see.  Sloths aren't typically considered to be beautiful, but this sloth was absolutely adorable!  My heart expanded a little today as I looked into the eyes of the sloth mama <3 

Feeling relieved!

This morning I taught my second vinyasa flow class to my peers.  It went so much better than Friday!!!  I got the timing right, a full 75 minutes, and I had fun teaching.  Nervous to start of course, relaxing as I went on to smile and have fun with it.  Last time I felt like I choked and became a ball of nerves, never letting my true self shine through.  It felt so good to enjoy it this time around and feel more natural talking the class through the flow.  It's fun putting together flows and being creative.  Ahhh...I can truly let go and just be happy again to be here learning and growing =) 

Letting it go

I woke up this morning still feeling upset about my first teaching experience.  I felt disappointed with myself and overall just emotional at this point.  Walking on the beach didn't really lift my spirits as I hoped.  At times I just felt like bursting into tears and curling up into a tight ball.  But as I began to hear about everyone's feelings about teaching their first classes, I realize we are all in the same boat.  We are all nervous and tongue tied.  This is a big deal and we are learning!  I still wish I did a better job and shined more, but I need to remember that I did a good job for being a new teacher.  At least the positive things that were said about my class were really meaningful.  People could tell I loved what I was doing.  My personal practice is strong and I demonstrated poses properly.  My voice was soothing and the assists felt good.  It will all come together!

Thankfully, I have wonderful room mates here at Frog Lotus Yoga Teacher Training.  They have been so supportive, listening to me whine about how awful I was feeling.  Most importantly, we have been laughing!  It feels so great to be sounded by fun people who enjoy life like I do.  There is nothing more healing that a good laugh where your abs start hurting and your cheeks get tired of smiling!

It was one of our afternoons off today.  Snorkeling was on the agenda but was cancelled due to poor visibility again.  I was feeling a bit withdrawn and maybe wanted to just be alone today.  But a couple of my friends rallied me up and we took a cab to nearby Puerto Viejo for a little beach escape.  What a fun afternoon, exactly what we all needed!  Just to get away and forget about all the stresses and pains we are having here right now.  The water was warm and the sun was shining...and the pina colada was tasty!

Sometimes we just have to surrender...funny this is what we discussed in class today.  Ishvara Pranidhana, the 5th Niyama, which means to surrender to the absolute.  I tend to obsess about things that are out of my control, either in the past or the future.  I can't changed what has already taken place.  And it's a waste of time to fret about the future.  Better to be in the present moment and find joy in what is.

Teaching

Today was my first class to my fellow yogis here at training.  I feel like a jumbled mess right about now.  I know that you have to learn and make mistakes to get better, but that doesn't stop me from feeling critical of myself right now.  Unfortunately I miss calculated my time, so when I looked at the clock I just figured for a 60 min class forgetting the math was for 75 minutes...so I short changed my class by 15 minutes.  I just got freaked out in my head and let the panic rule me.  It's ok, I know I will get better, more comfortable with everything.  It's just really hard when you feel like you are being watched and judged on your performance.  It brings up silly emotions for me and makes me feel disappointment.  I need to let it go, but that is much easier said than done!  This training has been incredible and I have been learning so many things.  It has become sort of an overload feeling for me at this point.  Luckily tomorrow is a half day for us.  We have class only until lunch and then all afternoon to do whatever we please.  I'm signed up for the snorkeling trip.  Getting into the water to swim will make me feel better.  Also since I wake up early anyways, I'm thinking an early morning walk to the beach for the sunrise might also help me clear my head.  Have to find my inner warrior and move forward, next class I teach is Sunday!