Letting it go

I woke up this morning still feeling upset about my first teaching experience.  I felt disappointed with myself and overall just emotional at this point.  Walking on the beach didn't really lift my spirits as I hoped.  At times I just felt like bursting into tears and curling up into a tight ball.  But as I began to hear about everyone's feelings about teaching their first classes, I realize we are all in the same boat.  We are all nervous and tongue tied.  This is a big deal and we are learning!  I still wish I did a better job and shined more, but I need to remember that I did a good job for being a new teacher.  At least the positive things that were said about my class were really meaningful.  People could tell I loved what I was doing.  My personal practice is strong and I demonstrated poses properly.  My voice was soothing and the assists felt good.  It will all come together!

Thankfully, I have wonderful room mates here at Frog Lotus Yoga Teacher Training.  They have been so supportive, listening to me whine about how awful I was feeling.  Most importantly, we have been laughing!  It feels so great to be sounded by fun people who enjoy life like I do.  There is nothing more healing that a good laugh where your abs start hurting and your cheeks get tired of smiling!

It was one of our afternoons off today.  Snorkeling was on the agenda but was cancelled due to poor visibility again.  I was feeling a bit withdrawn and maybe wanted to just be alone today.  But a couple of my friends rallied me up and we took a cab to nearby Puerto Viejo for a little beach escape.  What a fun afternoon, exactly what we all needed!  Just to get away and forget about all the stresses and pains we are having here right now.  The water was warm and the sun was shining...and the pina colada was tasty!

Sometimes we just have to surrender...funny this is what we discussed in class today.  Ishvara Pranidhana, the 5th Niyama, which means to surrender to the absolute.  I tend to obsess about things that are out of my control, either in the past or the future.  I can't changed what has already taken place.  And it's a waste of time to fret about the future.  Better to be in the present moment and find joy in what is.